So here I go, saw my diabetes (and primary care) Dr. last evening and he is not happy with me, ok that makes two of us! I gained 4 lbs., the only good news about that is I didn't gain everything I'd loss back!
I messed up and stopped walking because I got sick and because of my shin splints in my bad leg. Then I chose to eat all the wrong foods, I can say it was because I got sick and then because I had house guests but both are just excuses!
Dr. D said that I have proven I know what it takes to lose weight, because I have proved it recently. He said he can't fix or cure fat which I guess is true (not without surgery) but I have the power, knowledge to fix or cure my fat! I pointed out that he can't cure/fix stupid either and that is what happened I got stuck on stupid, and I CAN fix that too!
So now the big question, why do I sabotage myself? Am I afraid to be thin? do I use the excuse that no one wants to have a life with me because I'm fat and I'm afraid that if I'm not fat I'll have to accept just not being wanted? I really need to look within and be honest with myself. I think I have actually become fine with being single at this stage of my life so the fat/thin deal isn't a serious issue any longer. Maybe the journey is hard and a long, lonely one? Maybe there is more to it...but I need to set my mind and then just avoid those issues that hurt me or set my mind against being sabotaged by myself or others.
Well I've pulled myself up by the bootstraps once again and I will lose the 4 lbs. I gained and continue on my road to better and smaller me. I think I need to make a list of the positives and the negatives of my weight and see if that motivates me more.
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